No matter if it is someone getting fired, diagnosed with serious illness, or involved in abusive relationships; your first instinct may be to comfort them by saying things such as “it will get better” or “things could always be worse”. But this kind of optimism can often backfire and do more damage than good.
1. You’re not in a good place
When life gets difficult, it can be beneficial to remind yourself that good things will come again. By staying focused on what really matters and taking small steps toward relief from hardships. But sometimes too much positivity can become toxic and lead to harmful outcomes.
Positive thinking can be an invaluable coping mechanism, but its overuse can become problematic when used as an automatic response to all negative feelings and emotions. Aiming to avoid all negative emotions altogether could have serious health repercussions and could even cause you to overlook issues in relationships that require attention.
During the pandemic, many were encouraged to “think positive” and look for silver linings in every situation – something which may not necessarily be harmful in itself but can prove dangerous when applied across every issue or severity level.
Forced positivity at work may create toxic positivity. Employees may feel stifled by managers who encourage them to keep doing well without discussing difficult parts of their jobs, leading to burnout and the inability to effectively overcome challenges.
Toxic positivity can also have devastating repercussions in one’s relationships at home. When one of your loved ones is struggling, it can be hard to know how best to support them – unfortunately many well-meaning loved ones rely on “everything will be fine” mantra as a coping strategy – often leading to them feeling invalidated and misunderstood by well-intended family members.
Identification is crucial when it comes to being a loving and healthy person, as positive people may use positivity as a shield from feelings of insecurity or control needs. There are various body language cues that indicate this type of behavior, which you can learn. By becoming more familiar with them you can help others by showing that it’s okay not always be happy; their negative emotions are valid. By encouraging people to share their struggles openly you can build strong trusting relationships that strengthen one another – talking about negative emotions can be difficult but necessary for creating healthy and loving relationships that last a lifetime!
2. You’re not feeling well
Positive thinking can be beneficial, but its use can become harmful when applied to situations requiring more than simply optimism. When someone is feeling sad, anxious or overwhelmed it’s essential that those around them acknowledge these emotions rather than try to minimize or dissuade them with comments like “things will get better” or “don’t feel bad, others have it much worse”. Such statements can especially damage in work environments where having a happy face over truthfulness or vulnerability is valued more.
Toxic positivity can be used as a form of gaslighting, leading others to believe their experiences don’t conform to the culture of positivity. It’s often employed in workplace environments, encouraging workers to smile and remain upbeat while employees find it hard to voice any concerns. Furthermore, toxic positivity is easy to fall prey to on social media feeds where “feel-good” quotes have become ever more widespread.
Recognizing the distinction between positive thinking and toxic positivity is crucial, as toxic positivity can have disastrous repercussions for your mental health and relationships, not to mention leading to an unhealthy sense of well-being that’s no good for anyone.
At its core, toxic positivity can be an invisible form of emotional neglect that’s difficult to identify when being exposed. Beyond making people feel ashamed for their emotions and discouraging them from seeking help or support from friends and family members. In turn, this can increase anxiety and depression, which is especially dangerous for those already dealing with mental health conditions. Although practicing healthy positivity is one way of caring for yourself, when it becomes insincere or forceful it should be avoided altogether. Here is how you can assist yourself and those close to you, in hopes that this guide will inspire you. Additionally, for additional resources on dealing with negative emotions check out Brene Brown’s podcast here or our full “toxic awareness” hub here!
3. You’re a parent
Becoming a parent changes everything about you and can often alter the way that you perceive the world around you. Worries become greater, responsibilities increase exponentially and it becomes hard not to imagine the worst possible outcomes of situations that come your way. Although pessimism may seem like an effective approach to parenting, instilling such views into children is not ideal and instead should teach them optimism as this helps them face life’s obstacles better. Children tend to take after the adults they spend the most time around so it’s up to YOU as parents to set an example and lead this way!
4. You’re in a relationship
Sometimes couples move seamlessly from dating to relationship without an explicit dialogue about it. Perhaps both partners simply feel emotionally invested in each other and recognize they’re part of a “team”.
However, this doesn’t mean they should stop being themselves. Be proud of who you are and what interests you – if that means going to a fancy bar for drinks instead of binging those conspiracy theory documentaries on Netflix then do it! Being yourself in relationships is crucial; but knowing when it’s best just being friends should also be considered important factors.
An effective partnership requires both partners to support one another’s passions and dreams as well as their own. While it’s easy to fall prey to the “we” mentality and put aside your individual goals, a supportive partner understands that having your own interests is integral for creating a joyful existence together.
Make time for just the two of you, even if that means taking just five minutes out for phone call or tea together. Spending quality time will allow you both to be more open and honest with one another, leading to stronger bonds that can help navigate you through difficult times like illness or financial strain.